There is often a temptation existing within me that makes me want to act my true self with other people, whether they are close or not close to me. My faith in myself drops when I have to act fake, polite, courteous, and positive with other people, even though I don’t really want to. It is understandably the most tactful thing to do in all social situations, because no one wants to see a pissed off facial expression staring back at them. But the point is, there are people I don’t feel like acting all nice to. It doesn’t make me feel better, and the person doesn’t deserve any rightful treatment anyway.
I used to think only teenagers caught in the late-stages of puberty act like dicks from time to time. The truth is, a lot of people have never matured properly. Take this example. I have a relative friend who is extremely untactful. She is a mother of two, and she does too much for her kids (ages 8 and 10) to a degree that it is disrespectful. When an adult talks to her at the dinner table, she would totally ignore (on purpose) because her child is demanding something. This happens every time. The child isn’t about to shit his pants or something either. He just wants to ask something like why the tea is hot. She also almost ditched a dinner just because her kids are asleep in the car and she doesn’t want to wake them up for the dinner. This was extremely disrespectful to the other adults who have been waiting at the dinner table for her arrival. They’re just fucking kids, who gives a shit.
There are good cops and bad cops. There are cops who act like dicks just because they wear a uniform and carry a gun. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Bet you couldn’t go on to post-secondary properly so you have to resort to this kind of job. No offense intended to the righteous cops out there.
The list goes on. There are plenty of stupid people past adolescence who think the world is a square or something. Women that cry because of some stupid shopping problem. Etc.
When I have to make myself act nice to these people, I DIE A LITTLE INSIDE. My life is shortened. My rage grows, but my self-worth isn’t. I can’t go as far as insulting them or something, but at least I would like to preserve my self-identity here. I wouldn’t want to fight fire with fire either, because then I’m just taking myself down to their level.
I mean, you can be a persistent bastard, or you can have a lot of arrogance and confidence, but there are lines that you can’t cross. I understand that people have weaknesses, but too much obviously isn’t a good thing. Can’t people think with their fucking brain and opt for an optimal personality? Or do they have some big gaping hole in their childhood development? I know at least 3 friends that have problems. One is incredibly dumb, the other is so dumb that he has a criminal record now… and the third is somewhere along those lines. I don’t think neither are really lacking in intelligence, but whenever they have to make a decision, their choices reflect how a primitive form of the ape could outsmart them. And to some of these people I actually speak my heart out. I insult them in a way that I want them to wake up.
I just abhor a life where I have to act something I’m not to fit in with society. Fuck that.