Posted by: kaitagsd | December 3, 2010

Jouzu Janai

At the root of all your problems and experience lies the way you react to something, and the action you take after.

And for the past while, I’ve realized lacking the right attitude is really detrimental to my “core.”

So what is this bad attitude I’m talking about?

Due to a combination of social ineptness, perhaps lack of self-esteem, I am not inclined to offer suggestions or help others in a group situation;

Thus things snowball and I eventually just become a spectator. Not that I want to.

I grew up an only child, and have gotten into the habit of not doing anything and eventually someone will help me out (parents). That habit and mindset still exists today.

Just having finished a group project for school, I felt these problems come into play. I would have liked to help my group more, but procrastination and the “not helping” problem got the best of me. Inside I felt that something would eventually work out even if I don’t do anything about it. I felt that somehow, nature will pave the path for me… only to contradict with what happens in reality. The project was not really finished, and probably lost some marks for incompletion. All I could really do when I looked at the final product (a big circuit) was just… stare. I have learned nothing about the project itself, or how to do it. I let my group members suffer, unwillingly, because my willpower has this innate gravity that makes me not want to do anything, feel tired, feel depressed, feel emotional.
So after a while, I have realized I help people only for the positive social reactions I get, or the chance to “show off.” Other than that, no I really don’t want to do anything without being “paid” for it. And I think this is one mentality error that must eventually be debugged.


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